How many times have you said, or heard a friend say, Why is this happening to ME?

Well most of us have not yet discovered the answer to that question yet, but the question itself it implies bad things or challenges should not be part of our life experience. So here is the real deal.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ 

Having worked with so many people who need to be right, I believe there is actually no other way to learn what works in life and what does not, what feels ethical and right, and what does not, what supports us being spiritually aligned with our deepest belief system or not. So why can’t we embrace our mistakes?

If you have difficulty hearing that you are wrong or someone else perhaps has done something better, then read on. According to, egotism and being narcissism are addictive drugs. Seductive, because it makes us feel good; alienates the people in our life who really care about us. Once addicted and without seeing it, we then begin to destroy what’s truly valuable, because the ‘feel good’ has become all we crave. This process sneaks up on us so slowly that often we won’t see the damage until we are well into middle age. We don’t want to see the truth; our negative ego really is our enemy making us hard to love and unpleasant to be around.

It’s not all bad…

A bit of narcissism and ego is also healthy. It pushes us to succeed, improve and do our very best. It only moves across the line into a psychological problem when we insist on being right, refuse to learn and will do anything regardless of the consequences to prove that is true. The positive or healthy side of our ego pushes us and others to succeed.

We tell children early on they are perfect. The underlying message is that if you are not perfect, it’s a bad thing or something is wrong with you. Instead of using mistakes and failures as opportunities to teach self-soothing, loving acceptance, tolerance and the courage to try harder.

That is such a disservice to all of us because the truth is, humility, compassion and forgiveness feel so much better, but they are perceived as weakness rather than strength. Look around, the bullies get more press time. It’s so true that when every effort has been expended and we are finally without a single answer that’s when the right answers come.

So the answer is really quite simple when it comes to resolving this ego problem. When you make a mistake, invite it in. Ask it to sit down and then ask it what are you here to teach me.

Sit quietly and the answer will come.

Maybe, it is for you to see how gratifying it is to empower and teach others. Maybe it is, that you feel stronger and better about yourself, as opposed to feeling like a failure, when you have the courage to admit you are wrong. Perhaps it is you gain greater respect and admiration from others when you have the courage to admit your mistakes. So many gifts come from this one little step.

So what is the secret?

The next time a challenge, large or small comes dancing into your life, and you find yourself feeling afraid to admit the mistake was yours, your very first question should be what are you here to teach me about myself. No blaming anyone else or yourself. No excuses. Just gratitude, believe it or not, for each and every challenge that pushes your soul forward. After all, that’s what you came here for in the first place…to find your best self.

Those who make mistakes that are big enough to bring you to your knees are also the people have the most courageous hearts, and the most inquiring minds. So congrats!



Dr. Evan specializes in relationships, personal and professional empowerment, compassion and consciousness. 602-997-1200, 602-571-8228, [email protected] and