Every October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month gives us an opportunity to talk about something that often exists behind closed doors. We talk about recognizing the signs of abuse, supporting survivors and connecting people with resources that can help them find safety.

For me, these conversations are not only professional. They are personal.
I am a survivor of domestic violence.

There are details of that experience that will always remain private, but I know what it means to be afraid. I know what it means to need help. And I know how much courage it can take to make a decision that changes the course of your life.

People often ask why someone experiencing domestic violence does not simply leave. But there is nothing simple about leaving.

Fear, financial uncertainty, children, isolation and the unknown can make an already dangerous situation feel impossible to escape. Sometimes a person may not believe they can build a life on their own. I understand that feeling because I once questioned whether I could do it, too.

When the time came for me to leave, I utilized the resources available to me. I relied heavily on law enforcement when I needed help, and I had family and friends who supported me. I will always be grateful for the people who showed up.

But there was also a decision that no one else could make for me.

I had to find something inside myself that I was not yet sure existed.

At first, that strength was not necessarily for me. It was for my daughter. My instinct was to protect her and give her the opportunity to grow up in a safe, stable environment. When doing something for myself felt impossible, doing it for her did not.

That decision became the beginning of something I could not see at the time.

Years later, my daughter is thriving. I have built a career I am incredibly proud of. I can provide for us. We laugh a lot. We have fun. We have built a life filled with experiences and memories that, during one of the hardest periods of my life, I could not have imagined.

I would never choose to experience domestic violence. But I also would not surrender what I have learned about myself because of what I survived.

I learned that I can do hard things.

I learned that being afraid and being strong can exist at the same time. I learned that accepting help is not weakness. And perhaps most importantly, I learned that I was capable of building the life I once was not sure I could create on my own.

As someone who works in behavioral health, I also know that every survivor’s circumstances are different. Strength should never be measured by whether someone has left an abusive situation. Leaving can be complicated and, in some circumstances, dangerous. Survivors need compassion, resources and support, not judgment.

If someone you love is experiencing domestic violence, resist the urge to ask, “Why don’t you just leave?”

Instead, tell them you believe them. Remind them that they are not alone. Ask how you can support them. Help them connect with resources when they are ready, and continue showing up without judgment.

And if you are the person quietly reading this while wondering whether you are capable of starting over, I cannot tell you what your next step should be. Your circumstances and your safety are uniquely yours.

I can only tell you what I eventually discovered about myself

At first, I found the courage to leave for my daughter. Somewhere along the way, I learned that I was worth saving, too.

Today, the life we have built is proof to me that sometimes the strongest version of ourselves is one we have not met yet.

Bekka is a mom, avid reader, and someone who values genuine connection and learning about the people around her. In her free time, she enjoys reading, diamond art painting, and hiking when the AZ weather allows. She has spent many years in behavioral health marketing and business development and currently serves as Digital Marketing Director for Behavioral Health Connections Arizona.