Many of us had very uncomfortable childhood experiences. Some of us didn’t get enough sleep because of noisy neighbors or siblings. Others came home from school to empty houses and had to make their own dinners. 

We might barely get settled into a neighborhood, make friends, and then have to pick up and move again. We might not be sure of which version of Dad was going to come home, if he came home at all. 

Childhood stressors disrupt the normal maturation process and can keep us in a constant state of alarm. Living with continual fear, worry, and uncertainty takes a toll on the body and the development of the brain. This discomfort can damage our DNA and shorten our lifespan. Is it any surprise, then, that we seek substances to escape uncomfortable childhoods? 

When an uncomfortable child discovers the numbing effect of drugs or alcohol, they often feel relaxed in a way they seldom experience in their day-to-day life. When a little bit of weed can drown out a mother constantly telling you that you’re worthless, using seems like a no-brainer. When drinking with friends is fun and takes you away from the reality of your broken home, what teen in their right mind wouldn’t choose that over going home to listen to Dad carry on about Mom being out late with the girls again? 

Drugs and alcohol provide comfort. Until they don’t. Eventually, they fail to give the same good feelings they gave earlier and you have to use more and more to get the same effect. That’s one avenue for addictions to develop. Once addicted, the substances themselves cause just as much trouble as the original family trouble caused, if not more. 

So, we get sober. We give up the crutches and walk on our wobbly legs and it hurts. Feeling isn’t fun. Cleaning up all that mess isn’t incredibly enjoyable. The 3rd Step is hard. The 4th Step sucks. The 9th step sucks harder. Meetings are a hassle. Sponsors are annoying. Who’s got time for all that reading and writing? But you do it and you collect your chips. 1 year, 2 years, 5, 8, 12, 17, or is it 18? Oh heck, who cares, it’s a lot. In fact, it seems like enough. 

“Drugs and alcohol provide comfort. Until they don’t. Eventually, they fail to give the same good feelings they gave earlier and you have to use more and more to get the same effect.” 

How much of this is enough? 

You might decide to cut back on sponsoring or stop making phone calls. You might drop from 5 meetings a week down to 2, keeping at least the one that will remember to give you your medallion on your next anniversary. And, since you’re already at 17, or 18, it makes sense to get at least to 20. Yeah, 20. That should be enough. 

Twenty years of sobriety can feel comfortable, maybe even easy. You’ve been doing all the things long enough that most of them have become second-nature. You rarely even attend massive drinking events. Few of your friends, if any, use any illicit drugs anymore. Your home group notices if you’re not feeling well and sends you get well bouquets. You enjoy frequent hugging. Your disagreements are civil. You work out conflicts with the people you choose to remain in your life. Ahh, finally, some comfort!

Then, along comes your sponsor with some sort of suggestion like that it’s time for you to get out of your comfort zone and volunteer to speak at a large meeting or sponsor more people or lead a workshop. You recoil in horror, thinking, “What’s wrong with my comfort zone? I’ve worked long and hard to get here. Why must you try to ruin it?”

Contentment in recovery is sweet, lovely, and 

should be very brief or it could turn into complacency 

which can lead to self-righteousness, smugness, 

conceit, arrogance, and ultimately, relapse. 

Recovery is dynamic, not static and will slip away if not attended to properly. Stepping out of our recovery comfort zone is absolutely essential if we are to maintain our recovery. Recovery has the odd property that in order to keep it, you must give it away. 

If you find yourself enjoying a rare moment of complete bliss in recovery, please, do savor it. Enjoy it. Wallow around in it, but then find a way to share it with someone or it will be gone.

Dr. Marlo Archer is a fellow of the American Society of Group Psychotherapy & Psychodrama and a Certified Supervisor with the International Deliberate Practice Society, actively engaged in training the next generation of experiential healers.