The Rings and Springs of Recovery:
Facing Imperfection with Courage and Patience

By Dr. Jon G. Caldwell

Nearly four-hundred years ago, St. Francis de Sales wrote the following pearl of wisdom for those of us on the healing journey:

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections.”

As we do our recovery work and the fog of trauma, addiction, and emotional challenges begins to lift, one thing becomes crystal clear: our imperfections! Those pesky peccadillos, insidious idiosyncrasies, and craggily cracks in our character. Even when we muster the courage to tackle these imperfections, it can be disheartening to realize that some of our unhealthy patterns are terribly persistent, requiring repeated doses of courage and “an ocean of patience” (another quote by St. Francis de Sales).

On the pathway of recovery and healing, it can be hard to see our own progress — especially when we keep running into the same old character defects. It’s like courageously cutting a path through a dense thicket while hiking, only to re-encounter the same thicket hours later, with the path already overgrown. In those discouraging moments, it can feel like the recovery path has circled back on itself, leaving us stuck on a ring, destined to repeatedly stumble on our imperfections.

Our previously mustered courage can get pushed aside by anger, frustration, resentment, doubt, and shame. As for that ocean of patience… forget about it — sometimes we are lucky to find a puddle of patience!

“Self-compassion isn’t weakness, it is heartfelt recognition of our past pain and acknowledgment of our common humanity.”

Over the years, I have come to understand that this process of re-encountering our imperfections is perhaps better illustrated by an image of a spring, rather than a flat ring. While the healing process does involve circling back to our personal thickets of imperfection, these rings or patterns of experience are linked together like a spring, where each revolution takes us to an elevated place. At times, this upward progression can be gradual and difficult to perceive within us, especially when we are in the middle of the thicket! Trust the process and keep working at it, each time we come around to our imperfections, we can have a little more insight, a little more skill, and a little more healing.

To increase that “springiness” in recovery and healing, I offer three suggestions: compassion, connection, and comedy. Hold on, let me explain!

When we re-encounter imperfections, it can be useful to remind ourselves that these patterns of feeling, thinking, and behaving are not so healthy now, but they probably served a purpose in the past.

Often, what helped us to survive eventually gets in the way of growth. Rather than cursing our imperfections, we can practice greater self-compassion. Instead of berating ourselves for familiar foibles, we might adopt a caring inner voice that says, “Ahhh, I see you unhealthy pattern, you were there for me when I didn’t know how else to get by. Thank you. And now, I am committed to a healthier way of living.” Self-compassion isn’t weakness, it is heartfelt recognition of our past pain and acknowledgment of our common humanity, and when coupled with commitment to change, it is powerful.

Connection and community are critical to the healing journey – it is difficult to experience the fullness of recovery in isolation.

Like black mold, imperfections that are hidden and buried in the dark crevices of our being fester and grow into toxic shame. Alternatively, in the safety of trustworthy connections and community, when we courageously shine light on our character defects, toxic shame recedes, and we discover our true value. Knowing our inherent worth facilitates healthy change.

“To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.”    — William Arthur Ward

The healing journey can be intense, and the consequences of our unhealthy behavior can be serious. But, when working with those recurring rings of imperfection, sometimes it helps to not take ourselves so seriously. Our expectation should be that we are going to stumble and fall, and when we do, it can be healing to chuckle at our human nature as we pick ourselves up or reach for an outstretched hand. We keep those rings of recovery springy when we have the humility to recognize “we are just another bozo on the bus” and turn up the corners of our mouth as we exercise the courage to change the things we can.

Recovery from trauma and addiction requires courage to face our imperfections and patience as we face them again and again. We may never completely rise above our imperfections, but each time we encounter them on the spring of recovery, we find ourselves in a slightly elevated place. This gradual shift in perspective allows us to get a better view of our imperfections, altering how we see ourselves and others. In time, we begin to see the process of re-encountering our imperfections as a natural part of the healing journey. We find our true worth and value, warts and all, as we face our pain with compassion, connect with others through authenticity, and chuckle at how our imperfections have helped us to heal.

— About Jon G. Caldwell– —

Dr. Jon G. Caldwell, DO, PhD, is a board certified psychiatrist who specializes in the treatment of adults who have experienced relational trauma and addictive behaviors.

He is the Medical Director of Meadows Behavioral Health and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Arizona.  His theoretical perspectives are heavily influenced by his PhD training at the University of California at Davis, where he began researching how early childhood maltreatment and insecure attachment relationships affect cognitive, emotional and social functioning.  His clinical approach has become increasingly flavored by contemplative psychology and by the practice of mindfulness and self-compassion.  Dr. Caldwell has published a number of articles on child maltreatment, attachment theory, emotion regulation and mindfulness and he is a noted international speaker and trainer on these and other topics.

— About The Meadows —

For over 45 years, we’ve helped people overcome addiction, heal emotional trauma, and build the skills to transform their lives. Our personalized treatment is backed by decades of experience in treating trauma, addiction, eating disorders, and mental health issues. By treating the root cause behind these issues, we provide lasting and effective care.

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