Holidays and Family Stress: It’s Not All About You

By Amy Tilley, PsyD, Desert Star Addiction Recovery Center

In the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, we can all get more stressed out than usual. There is eustress (the good kind of stress that can have long lasting effects on your physical, mental, and emotional well-being). There is also distress (the type of stress that has us feeling overwhelmed and anxious). As we gear up for a full calendar of holiday get togethers, work functions, and to-do lists, making sure we monitor our stress levels and noting our support system during the end-of-the-year festivities is important.

One source of distress could come from our family and/or support system(s). They may cause us to feel distressed, especially if we feel obligated to attend every single event that is planned from now until January 1, 2024. It is important to remember it is not always about us. Family members and friends are also under stress and may not know how to express their thoughts or feelings in a helpful manner. We may not know what they are facing on any given day, and they may not have the coping skills that we have to navigate this jam-packed time of year.

Holiday gatherings can be a great way to use recovery skills to keep our sobriety on track, and our stress level to a minimum. If there are people invited to the same event that don’t necessarily get along, remember that we don’t have to get caught in the middle. If we are hosting the event, set a boundary: tell both parties that they are both invited to the event, and they need to come up with an agreement about who will or will not attend and when, while being civil adults. If they cannot come up with an agreement, then it is ok for us to tell them that neither is invited to the event.

Here are a few more helpful tips to us survive the crazy family holiday season:

‘No’ is a complete sentence. If we don’t want to attend every function that we are invited to, we can just say ‘no.’ No other explanation needed.

Relaxing before a function and attending with a positive mindset about who will be present can help.

Having realistic expectations and spending time with people we like, and minimizing our time with the more difficult relatives in your life can reduce stress.

The only thing we have control over is ourselves and our reactions to the situation. If something bothers us, pausing before we take the next steps and watching what we say to the other person in crucial to our wellbeing.

We need to have an exit plan. Deciding how long we will stay at the function and leaving when we want to is important.

Going to local 12 Step meetings before and after the event, and wrapping ourself in helpful support with people who have walked in our shoes will help us stay balanced.

Our recovery needs to be at the forefront of our days. Nothing is more important than our overall recovery and well-being any time of the year.

Have a wonderful and safe holiday season!