Reframing Self-Love

Is self-love selfish or selfless?

This is a question many will interpret the answer to differently based on their upbringing and experiences in life, but for those who lean towards self-love being selfish, we beg to differ. Especially when it comes to addiction, getting into a zone where self-love is a priority is crucial to healing and long-term recovery. The path to sobriety starts with self-love.

What is self-love?

Simply put, “self-love is regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.” It’s having respect for your own person and self-worth. It’s putting yourself in a position to be well and in turn do well. When we care for our own be-ing, it is often reflected in our daily lives. People lacking self-love often fall into toxic habits or relationships. They seek perfectionism or aim to people please. In turn, their own self dissipates. Many who have low self-esteem or self-love struggle with mood disorders like depression and can fall into the trap of drugs or alcohol. Self-love is meant to protect you and keep you thriving.

Examples of self-love include:

• Making sure your needs are met
• Learning to set healthy boundaries
• Positive self talk
• Self forgiveness—we all mess up sometimes
• Recognizing your feelings
• Prioritizing your mental, physical, and over all well being
• Not letting others abuse or take advantage of you
• Being assertive, not aggressive
• Having values and following them

Lack of empathy, entitlement, and an excess amount of external attention and validation are all hallmarks of narcissism. By no means are these traits the type of self-love necessary for thriving.

Healthy self-love hones in on taking care of, respecting, and honoring the person you are. It’s self awareness on another level.

Examples of neglecting your needs or denying yourself can look like:

• Staying in a relationship because you don’t want to be alone.
• I’ll give myself some break time later because I have to take care of others first.
• I can’t get the rest I need because someone needs me.

These examples might sound familiar. Most of us have had thoughts like this at some point. It’s what you do after these thoughts creep in that matters. So how do you curve back into the practice of self-love? Start small.

Think of a loving thing you can do for YOU and then make it a priority. Reverse the scripts in your head … instead of saying, “I can’t get rest because someone needs my attention,” try “My body needs rest so I have the energy to do everything I need to do tomorrow.” Grant yourself these gifts — even if they are small. Be the example of how you want others to treat you by practicing a standard of self-love!

(Source: Scottsdale Recovery Center. www.scottsdalerecovery.com or call 1-888-NODRUGS.