Superficial sucks, at least in my world. It’s painful and so odd to me to want to be deeply connected to the people I care about and watch any of then run for cover. Don’t talk about that. Don’t mention this. It is what it is… almost as if landmines were buried beneath truth and being real. In reality, what stays hidden is more apt to bite us in the butt in some way we won’t like. What is it we are so afraid of?  

Loneliness, failure…death? 

We are going to experience all of that, along with everyone else, and a meaningful conversation could eliminate much what we fear. Maybe we think we can’t change anything, so why talk about it. Or, perhaps we never got the tools in our families of origin. Maybe that’s why this is so painful for me. It’s an extension of the disconnect I felt as a child and not at all what I expected to experience as an adult.

In my world, connections that are real are holy moments. That precious instant when I get to show you who I am and embrace the truth of who you are…nothing hidden or held back. There is a sacred gift in the center of that connection, and for me it’s also a mirror reflection of the connection I feel with Spirit. My heart says don’t miss the gift of this person sitting across from you. He or she is here to teach you something, or you are here with a gift to offer. And when we are fully present with all our little or large blemishes, we give permission for the other person to be fully human and not perfect as well. No one is perfect…but oh how we try to pull off the illusion that we are.

Can you imagine a day when we meet each other with, “Hi I am Dina and I am broken how about you? Every challenge I ever had to meet in my life I had to meet alone. So now people think I can still do it all on my own. I want to learn how to change that. Would you be willing to help me?”

And you hear a response that goes like, “Oh gosh yes, I am broken too, I never feel like I am enough so I am always trying to prove I am worthy of love. Are you open to helping me with that one?” And I would say, “Absolutely so here we go, I get to love you and you may not do a single thing for me in order to try to deserve that…deal?” Imagine having that contact with someone who makes the commitment to wake up with you…what a gift.

Here is the truth. You are my teacher and I am yours and this planet and this life is a school and we are missing the gift when we stay superficial with each other. Everyone in our life is here to help us discover the truth of who we are spiritually and emotionally. We cannot know who we are without another to reflect that back to us.  So in essence, everyone in our life is our teacher, even without a single spoken word, because what we feel and think is a direct reflection of how far along our soul work is and what we still need to work on. If we are awake enough to embrace that, it makes this incarnation and this experience on earth very exciting.

So here are some tools for you brave souls who crave going deeper.

Look for the ways your partner or friend is unique and comment on how much you appreciate that in him or her.

Call it when you feel either one of you is checked out and talk about what took you away from being present.

Get involved with some activity that asks you to grow and learn, i.e. a book club, a meeting where people go deeper, a creative activity, something you have some fear about doing or have been afraid to do.

Get involved taking care of someone you never thought you’d find yourself caring for. If you are afraid of aging find an elderly person to help. If you are afraid of being sick, find someone who is sick to read to or connect with.

I am sure you get the point by now. Do something different that pushes your soul forward. Trust me, it’s a habit you want to cultivate that will bring you great joy.

Dr. Dina is a Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist and Consciousness Counselor. She has presented nationwide seminars and workshops, written several books and created meditation CDs for couples, individual and mental health professionals. She has also won national acclaim as a human rights advocate. Visit or call her at 602 571-8228.