By Dr. Dina Evan Has the past imprisoned your mind and hijacked your life? Too many of us define ourselves and our worth based upon what we do, don’t do...
By Dr. Dina Evan
Has the past imprisoned your mind and hijacked your life?
Too many of us define ourselves and our worth based upon what we do, don’t do or what we have done in the past rather than who we are at our core level. Changing this can feel difficult, and in fact, it is because it’s not just about changing your thoughts, it’s also about changing your brain.
I was recently shopping with my granddaughter, who admits she has a hair trigger rage that frequently comes up and gets the best of her before she knows it. We talked about why that was happening and I told her that her response was normal. She had been with an extremely controlling partner who told her she was worthless, got in her face and demanded that she do exactly as he said about everything. So now, even though she is no longer with him, if anyone makes a comment or suggestion that differs from her point of view, she feels threatened — as if they are as criticizing her and imply she is at fault or a bad person. I explained this happens because the comments are heard through the filter of her past. When that happens, a white-hot flash of fear and rage shoots down the center of her brain and she is in fight mode.
It’s time for her to begin managing those feelings instead of the feelings managing and screwing up her life. I suggested the moment she feels that flash of rage, to ask herself what percentage is from the past and what percentage is about the now. She admitted that about 90% was from the past and only 10% from what was happening in the moment. I suggested as soon as she realizes this, she could take the control back and decide how she wanted to process the past feelings — i.e. in therapy, writing about them, talking to a sponsor or counselor or friend, but for the moment she could store them in an imaginary container inside her brain until she had the time and a safe place with support to deal them.
Then she could deal with whatever the 10% remaining feeling were about. The great thing is that our brains don’t know this is not really happening so immediately the anxiety and rage diminish and she can respond from a conscious place. She tried it and began to respond differently. In essence, she is creating a new neuronet that she will begin to respond from automatically in the future. Sounds simple, it is, and it works great. You can email or call me for more details.
Here’s the thing. You are not your feelings! Your feelings are not facts! They are just your feelings and you have the right to manage them in a way that provides the most growth and allows you to be your best self. That is what you came here to do. Imagine for a minute what our planet, and our lives might be like if we just took one moment to manage our feelings and respond differently.
So, bottom line?
You have no idea how amazing and loved you are. Nothing you do or feel from your past or future will ever change this. You are free to fulfill your purpose, live your principles, become the role model you know you can be, regardless of anything external in your life or in your world. No one else can take your place and the Universe holds your place until you are ready to step into it because that’s what you came here to do. You are in charge.
Believe it or not, you have the makings of a leader, an amazing partner, a conscious parent or a change maker waiting inside. There is one in every family. One in every company, and many in this world. Don’t miss your chance to do what you came here to do. It’s called emotional intelligence. You can be the smartest person in the world but if you can’t control and manage your emotions, you can’t fulfill your purpose. You have the right to do that in his life or the next…but why wait? This can be your year.