by Dina Evan, Ph.D.

Let’s face it, people banter the word love around everything from chocolate ice cream to flannel pajamas. So how are we to know when love is real? Love is less about a feeling and more about action. For instance, if I really love myself, would I trick myself or lie to myself? Probably not, because that seems counter intuitive to what real love does. Therefore, if I am feeling genuine love for you, I couldn’t do that to you either. I couldn’t take advantage of your weakness or flaws any more than I could take advantage of mine.

You can’t plan to be in love, love is not cunning or strategic. Love simply becomes who you are. You can’t fall in love to get love — you can only fall in love to give it. If you fall in love to get love, the other person becomes an object for filling your needs and is not your beloved. Christopher Poindexter said… “It was rather beautiful, the way he put her insecurities to sleep. The way he drove into her eyes and starved all the fears and tasted all the dreams she kept coiled beneath her bones.” If you are in love, you are profoundly present. If you are still asking if you are in love…you’re not. When real love arrives, there are no more questions, no greener grass, no better options. It’s no longer about what you say, it about who you are and how you prove it…to yourself and your beloved.

Real love knows that even having an emotional affair is more traitorous than having a physical one because it involves the heart and spirit It’s the exchange of stolen words and feelings rightfully belonging to another. Affair of any kind involve cheating on ones own integrity, going back on ones own spirit.

Real love does not subside. It is forever beyond just falling in love. It deepens, moving gently beyond body parts into the private parts in the heart that are closer to one’s character and purpose. If you are able to love with a whole soul, you’ve done what you came here to do.

Love never promises that it will be free from difficulties and challenges. It just promises we will stay up all night to solve them together. It would rather be face to face with you than on a cell phone, an I-pad or Facebook. Love is more about who I am than who you are. It’s more about who you are, than who you love. Love comes to us as the teacher to reveals the truth of who we really are. It’s the only way to discover my level of patience, truthfulness and addiction to sameness.

Only real love reaches from here to heaven. I believe, so long as you speak a persons name with love they are still alive within you. Love is oblivious to distance or time, it simply is forever. Even when love changes form it continues to exist. From friends to lovers, from husband and wife to co-parents, from partner to spouse from parent to child, love, real love, changes form but never loses strength or commitment.

Love is a choice. You can decide to be meant to be the moment you choose love as a gift to your life. You can choose it with your beloved, or the homeless person on the street. You can choose it with that wounded warrior or that screaming child. You can choose it with the perceived terrorist who has never felt love or you can choose it the next time you look n the mirror. One of the most import gifts love brings is the realization that we are all of these and there is no separation between us. Love is without judgment. It is without separation.

Love can be felt in music composed from the heart, words written from the heart and genuine vulnerability shared from the heart. Love can be felt in truth, honesty and genuine caring. It is in all things real. Some think true love is rare but it is only rare because we have forgotten to be it.

Don’t wait to be perfect to choose love. If you wait you will never choose love because no one is perfect. Don’t postpone it by tricking yourself with caveats that aren’t real. Love is the strongest energy in the Universe, therefore, it is also the most feared. When you look around it’s obvious we make up many reasons to avoid it. However, once you choose to be it, you discover it is simply the only reason for being here.

So, have a chocolate, send a Valentine, then put your feet up and decide that you want all that love offers and become it. We heart you (yes, that was flaky) and we are grateful you give us a reason for being … and that is real. Happy Valentines Day.

Dr. Evan is a life/soul coach in Arizona working with individuals, couples and corporations.  She  specializes in relationships, personal and professional empowerment, compassion and consciousness. For more information 602-997-1200, email [email protected] or visit www.DrDinaEvan.com.