By Dina Evan, PhD Thank heavens, we are leaving a year of drama, chaos, crime, violence, earthquakes, lava spills, world-wide massive demonstrations, wars, outrageous rising prices, epidemics, floods, the...
By Dina Evan, PhD
Thank heavens, we are leaving a year of drama, chaos, crime, violence, earthquakes, lava spills, world-wide massive demonstrations, wars, outrageous rising prices, epidemics, floods, the worst menacing, bad mouthing and bickering ever. Had enough? And yet, there is no actual end in sight, so stay buckled up. When are not terrified, we are heartbroken and scared. When we are not heartbroken and scared, we are furious. When we are neither, we are numb and who can blame us when that is all we hear about in the news.
However, that is not all that is happening! People are finally standing up and saying WE are the only ones who decide what happens with our bodies, and deciding who we love. Women and minorities are now in elected positions, in high positions of authority such as the Supreme Court, the Senate and House as well as in the White House and in major corporations. Minority groups are working together. There are more nonjudgmental support groups about every addiction and every emotional need than ever. We are beginning to understand, perhaps for the first time, that what happens to any one of us—happens to all of us.
We have been on automatic pilot for the past few years, expecting people who have no values to act as if they do, expecting people who have huge self-serving agendas to include us, but they don’t, and expecting the people who got elected to take care of our country but, …well you know. So now we get to do it, and I for one am delighted because now, it might really get done.
First we have to take a breath and understand that we can’t change the world all at once, but we can start the process by changing ourselves first. Do we hesitate to reach out when we see someone in pain? If so, that’s probably because we haven’t healed our own pain. Do we withhold truth or afraid to tell the truth? Maybe it’s time to be truthful with ourselves first about the work we need to do to be authentic. I don’t know about you, but I can almost always tell when someone is lying to me and usually it’s about someone or something they don’t even need to lie about, it’s just become a habit.
This is our year to change things from the inside out
We start with ourselves with three simple things:
To express love
Tell the truth to others
Can you imagine for a minute how much the world would change if we were all making this commitment? And remember, you never need to deliver truth with a sledge hammer. You can always start with… “I am trying to deepen my relationships and what I would love from you this year is if you trusted me enough to always tell me the truth. What do you need from me to be willing to try that?” Compare that to “I think you lie to me a lot.”
If you always deliver your message from an “I” place and not a “you” place, you will get heard. Saying you makes others feel accused, and usually they are right, and even if it’s the truth your message won’t get heard.
Offering help can be as simple as giving the guy in front of you at the cash register a dollar if he comes up short. Or, helping your neighbor bring in their trash cans. My neighbor has done that for years for me because I can’t do it without falling with my cane. You never know the value of a simple gift given freely. Make it a point to talk to people, even if it is just a simple “hello,” especially if you notice others are shunning them. Every time I do, the guy or women behind me does the same. Just setting a role model for others is an amazing way to change the world and ourselves, one person at a time.
We are just simply talking about changing drama, chaos and crime to caring, compassion and gentle authentic communication. It’s not hard but it is probably the most important thing we need to do in this era and we can do it for ourselves, as well as for others.
Dr. Evan is a marriage, family, child therapist and consciousness counselor. She has presented nationwide seminars and workshops, written several books and created meditation CDs for couples, individual and mental health professionals. Visit drdinaevan.com or call 602-571-8228.