I was thinking about how important honesty is — especially if we want to stay firmly planted in our recovery. Lying was second nature to me when I was in active addiction — and I was never very good at it — no matter how I tried to pull it off. I never thought about the consequences. 

As a kid, my facial expression and body language gave me away. My parents always knew before I said a word because the telltale signs were easy to spot. I averted any eye contact, I stared at the floor and my cheeks got flushed. Lying grew along with me into my ‘teenage rebellious’ years, until I got sober. I lied all the time, especially about drinking and it fueled my shame and guilt. No one trusted me, and why would they? 

There were many consequences for my behavior, and looking back it could have been fatal. I was absolutely clueless and completely powerless to stop drinking without help, I didn’t know it at the time, nor did I want to.

Alcohol and drugs and I do not mix. So I remain vigilant in my recovery and remain conscious of what I do, who I’m with and where I go. 

No matter how many days or years sober, I’m no more immune from picking up than anyone else. Relapse really scares me — I’m grateful for that healthy fear. No one I know has ever come back from a relapse saying it was great fun if they get back at all. This disease is deadly. 

Because being sober is the most important aspect of my life. There is freedom in truth and living without lies. It’s much simpler this way.