By Dina Evan, PhD

Dr. Evan specializes in relationships, personal and professional empowerment, compassion and consciousness. 602-997-1200, 602-571-8228, [email protected] and www.DrDinaEvan.com.

When you hit an age greater than the speed limit, you take a deep breath and look back at all the lessons you have learned and want to share those.

So, I will, albeit I have to admit like so many of us I only learned them through, often excruciating, personal experience and it’s likely you will too. But, for those of you who can pick up a tool or two and spare yourself a bit of grief…here goes.

The worst lies are those you tell yourself. Lies such as I can’t or he/she won’t let me, or you make me feel are just things you say to postpone what you really came here to do and who you came here to be.

 Everything in this life is a lesson – not a punishment and not a reward. You can waste time ignoring lessons, but they always come around again because you chose them before you came here. You can take time to step into your power, but…why waste time? Remember, we only get stronger, when there is a challenge. And, oddly enough, the moment you step into the challenge, you discover you are bigger than it is.

I’ve learned making yourself the priority is not selfish, it is self-loving. You can’t give something to another, you haven’t given to yourself.

Never choose to be a victim. It’s always a lie. We come from incredibly strong stock, generations of powerful people who have gone through wars, demonstrations, a multitude of challenges and stood up. So, the greatest secret in life is that what happens to you is not nearly as important as what you do with what happens to you…. and how you choose to respond to it.

The moment you realize there is nothing and no one that can truly ruin you, except you, you have awakened to the greatest truth and you are able to solve any problem.

Remember uncertainty is what happens when we don’t have all the answers, when nothing seems clear. Without uncertainty, there is no space for new information, because we think we already have all the answers. Be open to not knowing and uncertainty. They are your best friends. Out of not knowing, comes new ideas, possibilities and probabilities.  It’s a great space to play in.

This life is a school. Take full responsibility for everything that happens in your life because the truth is, nothing happens without your conscious or unconscious choice, consent or request, and all of it is in service to you becoming the powerful person you are.

Reconsider frequently if something is not working. Reconsideration means stepping back, taking a second look at the bigger picture. It means thinking over what you thought to be true, the decisions you made, the priorities you lived by, and the life you want going forward. It means that some choices and some beliefs are simply not serving you and those get to be changed. Not because you did something wrong, but, because the universe is ever changing and we need to change with it.

Remember, no matter what the question is, you can always find the right answer by asking, What would love do?

When life gets tough, it’s helpful to remember the and word. We can end up feeling and saying, “Life sucks,” but we forget “and I have so many people who love me.” “I am broke right now and I have a great future ahead of me.” “This is a difficult day and tomorrow can be filled with joy.” Joy always follows sadness and challenge always follows success. That’s how we grow.

Search for Meaning. Don’t choose to always play in the shallow end of the pool. If you ask emotionally, spiritually and mentally strong people about their lives before and after feeling strong they will tell you two things: their strength is in direct proportion to the challenges they faced. They grew from facing challenges, even the devastating ones.

Always remain teachable. Mental strength doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and even the strongest people need others to reflect back and validate their strength and teach them more. Wisdom comes not only from your experiences, but also from all the experiences of those who came before you. Learning from others, and listening for new truths, doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise.

   Well, those are just a few thoughts for your tools bag and if they keep you from another bruised ego or the need to clean up a new mess, we all win. Try this exercise for yourself and make a list of the lessons you have learned. You may begin to see how wise you already are.