By Dr. Dina Evan I am a writer, not a great writer, but a writer all the same. An authentic writer, writes about what is true for him or her...
By Dr. Dina Evan
I am a writer, not a great writer, but a writer all the same. An authentic writer, writes about what is true for him or her and the truth for me is that I am dying. I knew the time would come when I would write about this journey and since I have some time, now seems like the right time.
I am not embarrassed about it, after all, it’s something we all have in common, we’re all dying. However, I never expected to be so alive in the midst of dying, and for me that is a precious truth…a valuable lesson for my next life.
Other new awareness’ have arrived, such as I don’t need 20 pair of shoes or that outfit in my closet I haven’t worn in years just because I spoke to a thousand people in it. And, don’t expect the people who have never been present in your life to be present just because you are dying. Those who have always been present, are still profoundly here.
I have learned…If you take a deep breath when your daughter loses her breath at the thought of losing you, you are both able to breathe again. In the oddest way, this is a precious time. For me, this is a time of validating all the things I believe and taught for years…that communication is at the base of every precious connection; truth is not always comfortable but always healing, and the only thing we leave this planet with is that which we hold precious in our heart and soul. My heart and soul are full, in fact…as the song goes, I have embraced every challenge and “I’ve had the time of my life.”
People hate talking about death
That’s because it scares us. I don’t feel scared because I believe there is no actual point at which we die into some kind of heaven or hell scenario where we are judged or, for that matter, given brownie points. I believe our souls just lovingly continue on to the next adventure and lesson and this experience is simply one more master teaching about what is important, what is true and who we have become.
There are things I do hate, like not having the energy or breath to take my grandkids on the same kind of adventures I took my kids on. However, clearly this is an exercise in acceptance — the acceptance of all of life, including death. From moment to moment, I remind myself to relax into the process and, being forever the conscious traveler, I peruse the people and issues with which I need closure. Fortunately, I have mostly been an ‘uppity woman’ who doesn’t hold back as issues arise. I am reminded of all the times one of my children would put their hand on my arm reminding me to stay in the appropriate lane so as not to embarrass them. No gasping loudly at the movies during the scary scenes. I may be out of the appropriate lane occasionally over the next several months as I share this journey with you.
So far, my priorities seem more to be about having those holy real moments with the people I love. It is in those moments, that I cry, with overwhelming gratitude, for their presence and their willingness to dance in my life.
With your permission. Over the next months, now and then, I will share some of the new realizations in my process. I do this because I think it’s important to make death a friend, not an enemy. It is such a gift to have this sweet slice of time, between birth and death, to find ourselves, to find each other and to allow our hearts to break open with the pain and joy-filled moments this divine experiment provides. I have been writing to you for more than 20 years, so although I have not met each of you individually, I still feel as if you are my spiritual family, a family of great diversity, enlightenment and love.
I won’t be writing about maudlin, gut wrenching issues some may expect about death, because I don’t expect to have those. However, if I do, I will be honest and tell you. All I ask of you, is you allow whatever feelings arise in you to be embraced as we share this journey. They will tell you things about yourself you want to know, in the same way my feelings are enlightening me. We are all, after all, all staying delightfully alive in the midst of dying.