My favorite four letter word

Hope. 
This word means: I believe and trust something way greater than me has the divine plan.

When I was acting out in addiction, hope meant nothing more than “hoping to get out of a jam; God, I hope to get away with the lies; hope I don’t get caught;  hope no one I knew saw me in such a state of oblivion; hope I don’t lose my job and so on.” For all the hoping I did — my life was dark and shadowy. From just about losing my friends and family, to employment, or a place to live… everyone was simply tired of my empty promises to change.
Why some of us make it in recovery and why others don’t is reality. Being shackled to the bottle, drugs or any other addiction are tough chains to break  — but it can be done.
At the start of my journey, the most I could hope for a was a glimmer, a sliver of something better. I was offered hope by people who were on the path ahead of me, and I started to believe and trust them. Being clean and sober was uncharted territory, I was scared, who knows, maybe hope was growing within, micro-inch by micro-inch.
Like any human being, many things I’ve hoped for did not turn out ‘my’ way. There have been major losses and changes, pain, tears and a few ‘WTF’s’?   Now it’s up to me how I approach challenges, it’s up to me to share my story and reality, it’s up to me to ask for help whenever I get lost or stuck.
Today, I believe that hope will never die inside me — because when it does so will I.

A special thank you to all who supported and attended the 9th Annual Art of Recovery Expo and making it the success that it was. I am truly grateful.