12 steps to 35 years

On the 17th of this month, I’ll be 35 years without a drink or drug. None of this would be possible without my Higher Power, a strong support network and an amazing 12 step program I truly believe in.

What addict or alcoholic doesn’t live in denial? Add to that, extreme shame, guilt and remorse every day, before and after every single binge. When I drank, I got drunk, seriously drunk. Falling down drunk. Blackout drunk. Not a pretty picture, and one I must never forget.

After years of this behavior, those closest were done with me. Finito! There was no talking or reasoning with me. As I was spiraling down, the only people left drank and used like I did, some in worse shape than me…. others not.

I felt like dying when the ‘god moment’ happened. I believe my Higher Power took the reins (through my sister) and before I realized what was happening, I was dialing my friend Janis for help. She was at my door within an hour of that call and didn’t leave my side until she walked me into my first 12 step meeting.

I was scared and in a fog but remember feeling a sense of relief. That day I made a commitment to give sobriety a chance. I said it out loud, I’m an alcoholic. Day by day I started to believe if I listened to the  people who had days, weeks, months, even years of sobriety — maybe I had a chance.

There was nothing left to lose at that point. Through all the peaks and valleys of sobriety, these past 35 years have been the best of my life.