Relationships: Real or Really?

By Dina Evan, PhD

 

We are living in a time when relationships of every kind have made it very confusing and it’s hard to know what real relationships look like. In politics real relationships have become those in which we must conform to someone else’s needs or ideas about what is right for that person, but often not for ourselves. In personal relationships we call that co-dependency.

In business, and in politics, real relationships are those that build equity and bank accounts for the heads of companies, corporate officers and now we are learning elected officers and those in congress as well. In personal relationships we call that disempowerment or co-dependency too.

In politics and business, many of the relationships we know about are are too often filed with secrecy and manipulation, lies and a lack of consciousness. So, how are we to know when a relationship, whether it’s a love relationship, a business relationship or a friendship is real?

Let’s look at it and life from the perspective of energy. The energy that is prominent in the world right now is what I call low level energy and we are on sensory over-load. It is exhausting, it makes us feel fearful, it is filled with secrecy and we feel afraid much of the time. Most of all, it makes us question our sanity and our own beliefs, not unlike the way we feel when a partner is cheating and lying about it or is withholding the truth about anything. We feel it in our gut. It’s intrinsic and immediate and we know something is not right.

On the other hand, high level frequencies of energy make us feel safe, they empower us to be more of our real selves, they give us the freedom to explore our fears and feelings without judgement and the answers we get are truthful and also empowering. It’s the same feeling you get in an instant ah-ha about an issue you have been struggling with, or a friend or family member who stops mid- sentence to tell you how much you are “valued and loved.” Real authentic relationships don’t leave us, or each other, wondering if we are loved. They don’t result in us relying on someone else for or sense of identity or worth.

In this era of confusion, my favorite question to ask is, “What is this here to teach me?” In authentic, real high frequency or woke:-) relationships, we don’t avoid the challenges or those questions because we know they bring the gifts of closeness and greater strength to our connections. They bring growth and aliveness and are gifts of self and relationship discovery…so we welcome and ask the questions and explore because we want the discoveries and don’t fear them. We do that with tenderness and no blame. We do it with acceptance for difference, and with loving curiosity and acceptance about the deepest needs and beliefs of those we love. How can we be safe without those discoveries of truth and honesty?

 

We respect each other’s boundaries

So one of the things we talk about when growing relationships is to ask, “What are your boundaries about, things like talking about personal things having to do with each other like arguments, health issues, or anything else that might be sensitive with our friends or extended family. Respect is another issue that bonds us and to create safety, we need boundaries to be ourselves fully.

Relationships are the most precious gifts we can give to each other and when they are filled with high level frequencies and ethics of love and respect they touch our souls and change us forever. They are gifts of spirit and without them life eventually becomes meaningless. So for those of you not in relationships, I have a headline. You are in relationships with everyone in the store where you shop, in your 12 step meetings, in your classes at school, in your families in your friendships… in life itself. Spirit is always giving us the option to be who we came here to be and do what we came here to do. So fall in love with it and this life, regardless of the static and chaos. It’s all about that one precious question…  “What is this here to teach me.”

 

Dr. Evan is a marriage, family, child therapist and consciousness counselor. She has presented nationwide seminars and workshops, written several books and created meditation CDs for couples, individual and mental health professionals. Visit drdinaevan.com or call 602-571-8228.