Too Much Wasn’t Enough

There once was a time when I could not imagine not being ‘out of my mind’ from a drink or some drugs. It was the thing to do within my circles of friends.

Our motto was “Too Much Ain’t Enough.”

In fact, there was a huge neon sign over a bar in NYC with that very saying. I loved it. And trying to live up to that sign I always drank more than my body could handle, and usually never made it past 9:00 at night.

I cannot drink. I cannot ingest anything that alters my metabolism, or brain chemistry.

I was one of those people who could get utterly smashed on one drink and as always, the ugly happened. There was absolutely nothing — nothing attractive about it. While I wanted to be a classy lady, when I drank or used it was the opposite. Yet, I did it over, and over, and over again with these results: shame, fear, panic, remorse, hangovers, headaches, lies and depression to name a few.
When we hit bottom, wherever it is on the scale, it’s actually the greatest day of our lives. If, and only if, we are ready for change. I’ll always be grateful and mindful of the day it happened for me.
The beauty of sobriety is comprised of so many things I could fill volumes of why I feel so blessed.

Sobriety is not always a walk in the park, but neither is the real world. While I may have lost myself in addiction for 24 long painful years — the beauty is now in my recovery.

I’ve been able to find my purpose and reason for being here. I’ve been guided and supported through the difficult times and celebrated the wonderful moments with people who I consider my family, my fellows on the road.