Keep Calm & Trudge On

There is always something I can learn about staying on the sober path because on this journey the magic and mystery never ends. But it’s never been as simple as getting from point A to point B for me.

I’ve questioned others, defended my opinion, listened, but not followed through with sage advice; so my process still can be painful at times — yet it’s probably the best way I learn important lessons.
Early in sobriety, I heard the word humility used quite a bit and thought it must be another way of saying humiliation. Humble was never part of my being.

I was judgmental about myself and others, so I numbed my flaws and defects through substances and alcohol. I wasn’t grateful for anything and believed I was dealt a bad hand.

I completely related to the song “Born Under a Bad Sign,” and used it as one of my thousand excuses to continue my destructive behaviors. To this day, I’ve never read anywhere that Pisces are bad people, or the black sheep on the astrology chart. But it seemed like a good excuse to justify what I was doing. When I made mistakes (which were many) I couldn’t own up to them.

At the height of my drinking, I was “terminated” by my brother from his graphic design firm. He had list of really good reasons: accounting errors, sloppy work, but mostly coming to work either ‘half in the bag’ or ‘hung-over from hell’ those sealed the firing.

After that, the rebel in me (I’ll show YOU!) drank and used more, and I clung to a nasty resentment about the whole ordeal. Years later he told me it would have made more sense to pay me not to come in at all. Humble. Accountable. Words that did not apply to me.

All I can change is me. I’ve learned how to listen. No one is out to get me anymore — no one ever was.

I’m grateful something (my Higher Power) greater saw a reason to keep me on this planet. By all accounts I shouldn’t be here. I have my health, friends, family, and colleagues that mean the world to me.

Thank you all for trudging this amazing road with me.