On 12/24/17 I made the decision to stop drinking alcohol.
Fourteen months earlier, our oldest son Seth was found dead in a hotel room. Needle in his arm. He’d run into fentanyl at 23. His belt, which had become the tourniquet, was on the bed a few feet away. He never made it out of the chair.
He started drinking at about the same age I did.
I started at 16 and drank all the way to 52. I called myself a “high-functioning” alcoholic. I came from a small town in Iowa and that’s just what you did. Grab a case of Miller Lite, drive the gravel roads, find a kegger in an old barn, and solve the problems of the world and create a few along the way.
One drunk driving charge in 1997. Other than that, no real issues. I liked to drink. My wife and I never fought. We drank, we laughed, and we went to bed.
Honest truth? I stopped to support my wife. She was 9 years younger than me, and in the 14 months after Seth died, her drinking and prescription addictions made her look 9 years older.
The narrative I told myself: I had failed Seth as a dad and now I was failing Prudence as her husband.
I looked in the mirror and said out loud: “You pathetic piece of $hit. How much do you have to lose to realize you’re not worthy of being a dad or a husband?”
That was it. The mirror doesn’t lie. I never have had a thought about alcohol since.
She died at 46, on 6/29/21. We were married for 21 years.
When people ask about my sobriety, I’m honest about my pathway. Everyone has a different one and plenty of people will tell you they know THE answer:
It takes exactly 12 steps from my car to Seth and Prudence’s gravesite.
How’s that for irony?
Will I drink again? I have no idea. Will I drink today? No.
It’s a conscious choice and I am not powerless, I have more power than alcohol realizes.
If you’re fighting your addiction(s) like many of us just know there are many pathways. The only correct one is the one that works for you.
Burying half my family was what it took for me.
I hope your mirror asks less of you.
Let’s Brightn lives together.
Learn more about Brightn at https://www.brightn.app
However, kratom has real risks, including dependence, withdrawal, and addiction. If you’re trying to understand…
What I have observed clinically is increasingly supported by research. Neurodivergent folks, particularly those with…
All In for Recovery In my first few days and weeks on this journey, I…
It’s time again for my monthly competition for your attention and the competition is STIFF. …
August is here…and so begins a new season of routines, back to school, shorter nights,…
The Impact of Bullying on Adolescent Mental Health The act of bullying goes beyond the…