You’re In the Soup!

By Sharon Youngblood

 

In describing what her experience with trauma is, a friend says, “It’s like you are out on a beautiful blue sky calm water day in a sailboat, feeling good and enjoying the experience. All of a sudden, the boom comes around, smacks your blindside and you’re in the water — you don’t know what happened, but you’re swimming for your life! Instincts take over. Your heart is beating fast, breath is labored, and the emotions you are feeling are being stored in your nervous system with no conscious knowledge on your part.

 

Reactions to Trauma

Trauma reactions happen just this way— bam— you are in it! All of us have family members, friends, neighbors, and maybe ourselves as well, who exhibit behavior that seems to come out of nowhere and appears baffling. Crisis negotiators talk in a calming voice trying to de-escalate or regulate a trauma situation. Whether one person or a crowd, the goal is to regulate emotions so we can move forward. We can learn from these experiences. All trauma survivors experience being “in the soup” before and during trauma recovery. Next time we are observing another person in that situation we might try cutting the other person some slack on the judgement continuum— they may be having a trauma meltdown.

Currently there is a lot of information about simple and complex trauma, but we want to look at a small piece — how do we identify when we are unregulated (Our nervous system is over-active or frozen in the moment) and how do we regulate ourselves once we realize it?

Before we get too far into it, a few basic definitions will help. Simple trauma is a one-time event such as an automobile accident— traumatizing but the trauma is not happening over and over again. Complex trauma is trauma that comes from many sources, i.e., sexual abuse, physical and/or emotional abuse and neglect, and many other forms of abuse that are repeated over a period of time, i.e., many sources of trauma in one individual. Regulation of the two types of trauma are the same but healing complex will obviously be of longer duration.

 

To heal is to touch with love that which has been previously touched by fear 

— Stephen Levine 

 

Both therapists and trauma informed coaches are competent to explain PolyVagal Theory and to explain to clients how it works with trauma recovery. Most clients self identify with trauma once they see the widely accepted “Legacy of Trauma” behaviors widely available in print and being presented by professionals. It is a relief for most people to get this information that has puzzled them sometimes for decades. They easily understand what it means to be unregulated, i.e., having frozen behavior or being angry and aggressive, etc. It is relatively straightforward to understand that being unregulated has characteristics that differ from person to person, but most have experienced a racing pulse, agitated and other symptoms of being unregulated and the ensuing behavior. But how on earth do they regulate these responses? Most report forgetting to use the tools or thinking they are too simple to possibly work.

 

Practice, Practice, Practice

The answer is, “People with trauma need to learn how to regulate and practice what they learn.” It is not intuitive, it takes practice. The tools are simple, but like any habit that has never been established it takes perseverance and practice. Just as most people brush their teeth every morning, drink their favorite beverage, and other activities every morning, regulating the nervous system is a habit that needs to be learned and incorporated as part of a protocol. Many people have various protocols for their habits, i.e. to go running one dresses for the weather, puts on sunscreen, tennis shoes, and so on. It’s no different to develop and implement the habit of practicing daily protocols for toning or exercising the Vagus Nerve.

The most common thing my clients say after they describe a meltdown and I ask them, “What tools did you use to try and regulate your nervous system, is, “Oh, I forgot to do that. I talked with my sister about it, then I talked with my best friend. I felt well enough to go to sleep.” That was all fine but the Vagus Nerve was no more regulated than before the upset so not much was gained in the area of long term coping. Besides hours of wear and tear on the body and especially the nervous system did incalculable damage to the body of the person who was upset for hours. When we work to follow a daily protocol, we shut the upset down much quicker which results in less stress for the mind and body. If this becomes a habit, life becomes more gentle, more fun and more productive. It takes time and support but it is a habit with big payoffs.

 

For more information about topics discussed contact me and I’ll send you some additional bibliographies and articles. Sharon Youngblood Trauma Informed Coach, Speaker, Consultant Email sharonyoungblood7@gmail.com