Dare I Say it Out Loud?

While working on every edition of Together AZ over the years, I’m more and more amazed at far we have come — as millions of us are no longer wrapped in the shame and despair about our addictions.

We’re sober, recovering people, and I’m proud to say that out loud.

Probably from my first drink, possibly to my last, I carried so much shame, always fearing someone would know my secret. Who was I kidding? Anyone who knew me had it figured out quick, and if they weren’t the type of drinker or drug taker like me, they were gone in less than 60 seconds.

When confronted; I denied it. When I felt so horrible from headaches and hangovers, to every noise from outside my window sounding like a thousand jackhammers in my head; I denied it. I had such a fear of revealing who I was, alcoholism held me captive and I denied that too.

I’m not sure (and it really doesn’t matter) if I hit my bottom or my bottom hit me, but I am grateful I live and breathe a sober life today. And that is what I have, we all have…today.

There must have been a few occasions when I agreed with family or friends about my behaviors, but every sentence had a ‘I know’ attached to it, or the ever famous word BUT.

I wasn’t planning on getting so drunk, but…. I wasn’t intending to make a fool of myself, but….I didn’t mean to hurt you, but, and the list could go on.

Today, I work and associate with people who have been where I have, and the camaraderie we have is beautiful and real. We say who we are, out loud.
_____________________________________________________________________________

While working with Mo Michael on her gambling story this month, I felt a connection, like sister to sister. Our drugs of choice may be different but the feelings we experienced are similar. And I applaud her on her honesty and courage to share publicly where addiction took her. Kiddingly I said, “Well your story is out now,” and we both agreed if it can help one person, family member or friend, that’s what it’s all about.