There are times in life, some more than others, when I realize how much of a gift my journey in recovery is. While I’d like to believe I’m in complete, solid, unwavering gratitude — every single day and moment, all the time — I’m not. And maybe if I was — well that concept is beyond my scope of imagination.
Accepting the truth that I’m an imperfect human being is only possible because I’m always given another chance to grow, learn, look at my part and yes, listen. Like many sober addicts and alcoholics, when pain hits and the road looks bleak, yep, that’s when my growth spurts emerge. No matter how many years, days and minutes I have sober — this gift continues to give (me) another chance.
Years ago, I was told recovery was like peeling an onion. Layer after layer would reveal the symtoms of my dis-ease. It was about uncovering, discovering and discarding. Uncovering the real reasons why I used; discovering how my way of living wasn’t working (and never had), and discarding the blame, shame, guilt and any other negative connotation I could muster up.
In the 12 step program I’m so grateful to be part of, taking the steps was not a one-time deal for me.
To maintain what I have and enhance where I am, often I need to get back to basics, and ask, “ Was I wrong? Can I admit it? Do I feel good in my skin? Am I giving back, helping another? Am I in “my bubble” or being part of the collective group? Am I able to forgive myself and others? And a big one for me is “what makes you think you’re always right?” When I am forced to really look at the woman in the mirror am I okay with her?”
Recovery is like an unwrapping a never ending surprising package – it’s filled with gems of words, love, life, breath, my Higher Power and people like you – who help keep me sober, whether I know you or not.