By Dr. Dina Evan

My friend Cesar is a marathoner. I have watched him over the years, building endurance and strength, signing up for greater and greater challenges to his body, mind and spirit. He bears the pain and frustration while holding fast to finishing the race and meeting his goal. When he’s done, he’s exhausted and his body feels broken. What he is doing is simple. He is living a truth that Einstein shared which is profound. Einstein said, “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”

We are impatient. We are addicted to instant gratification. We want what we want NOW! The secret of creating healing and a life well lived, is understanding that the desire to heal and push our soul forward, is what provides the momentum and purpose of our lives. It’s fabulous that we get to work on it until we leave the planet.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint. In order to get to the finish line as a winner, we must allow our hearts and minds to break open with new ideas, new tools and the willingness to create that, which may often feel impossible. At the same time we need to recognize our mistakes and use them for quantum leaping along the path.

The finish line looks different for each person. What constitutes a life well lived for me is probably not the same for you. Regardless of how different each looks however, there are some keys to making to the finish line.

• First, we must be willing to embrace our mistakes as lessons, get out of self-judgment and get back in training and the race. There are no prizes, brownie points or certificates in heaven for suffering. Suffering does no good and the frequency (the energy), of suffering will create delays in your progress and self-loathing. Punishing yourself past having gotten the understanding of the lesson, is self-abuse. The whole point of being on this planet is to make mistakes and learn from them. So if you are doing that, you are doing what you came here to do. Mistakes are the product of an inquiring mind and a courageous soul. If you are not making mistakes you are standing still in mediocrity. 

• Second, take personal responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life! No, not a volcano, hurricane or blizzard. However, I actually think the truth is we are responsible for creating those as well with our ignorance about how to care for the planet. What I mean instead is, stop blaming your parents, partner, boss or anyone else for your choices, unhappiness or failures. People can spend eons saying, “Well if he wouldn’t do this, I wouldn’t have to do that.” NOT! That is always a lie. We all do exactly what we want to do because WE WANT to. 

A Perpetrator perpetrates because they want control. Liars lie because they are protecting themselves from the truth or are not willing to deal with the fallout of telling it. Your parents did the best they could with what they had in that moment. 

You and I are responsible for doing it better. 

Every friend, family member or associate in your life is a master teacher for you. Don’t miss the lesson in each circumstance, or you will also miss the gift. Victor Frankl says, “The last of the human freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.” Each time you make your lessons the fault of someone else you have given that person your power for change and your chance for greatness. That is not to say people are not cruel or stupid at times, however the question is not about them or how to change them. The question is how will you choose to respond to those people and change yourself and your life?

Finally, be careful what you choose to focus on and empower. Everything you ruminate, criticize or hate about yourself or anyone else gets bigger, heavier and more burdensome because YOU are feeding it your energy. “Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality.” Look behind you. My bet is that most things you fear in your life have never happened. If you feel unworthy of relationships, no doubt people keep leaving you. If you feel helpless, no doubt you find yourself getting victimized frequently. You are living what you believe today and tomorrow you will live what you believe. The gift is you get to choose. Choose that which is loving to you and everyone else. You deserve it.