My Falling Leaves

By Dina Evan

My leaves are falling. This month I moved about a third of 72 plus years of personal life, mementos and beloved belongings in to a new home half the size of the old one. It’s beautiful and I love it and it is still filled with empty and packed boxes even after weeks of purging. I also moved my professional and creative life into a separate office away from my home. This new space now requires a long and arduous hourly walk to the restroom, located down the hall near the elevator. My broken femur doesn’t understand and lets me know the long walks are not appreciated. And my leaves are falling.

The leaves that are gently disappearing are the ones that believed my life is in the books I have written, the special cards of love I have received, the emotionally priceless pieces and statues I picked up years ago that spoke to my soul. The leaves that are falling are in my sense of voracious independence. When you grow up in an empty room you learn not to expect anyone to have your back — because no one did. My kids have my back now and the experience of having to rely on others is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. As natural as it is as a part of life’s progression, I fight feeling guilty or needy. Moms are always supposed to be the ones caring for their children. So, I try to do that in different ways now, emotionally, spiritually and energetically to maintain my sense of balance.

I had a large courtyard at my old house and in the center of it is a Chinese Plum tree. Each season it brings itself alive with vibrant crimson colored leaves in what seems an overnight transformational statement of I EXIST. For weeks in each season, it stands, bare-branched, looking as if it is lifeless. It has barren dead appearing sticks protruding from what once was a full blessing of shade. She creates that shade from the tiniest of white blossoms and then a sudden explosion of crimson leaves with the surprise of fire like color on every branch.

I love that tree. It seems to me she has great dignity. She stands bare naked for weeks at a time knowing that inside her she had the ability to burst forth in elegance in each new season in a whole new way. She finds the reserve inside. Pulls it up from her roots and that energy bursts out the top of her like mount Vesuvius She finds the energy, juice and electricity to make it happen and…so shall I.
Inside each of us is deeply hidden, the juice and electricity of precious connected moments with those we love. The times of silent understanding and awareness’ that need no explanation are waiting to sustain us and help us bloom again. It’s in the unexpected miracles and unexpected kindnesses that create the meaning and reason for blooming. I have let go of the being the books I have written. I have let go of so many artifacts and mementos from special spiritual trips and gatherings. I have let go of the seminars, handouts, exercises and trainings I have presented.

Their meaning is already in the ethers, in the hearts of those who attended each workshop or read each book. I am standing alone on my own and with bare branches and already in that freed-up space, I am starting to bloom.

We often go through life with the emphasis on getting, buying and collecting all the externals, because we have been taught these are the things that will make us safe and happy. How many times have we heard people, like me, expressing their astonishment at how much we have collected over the years and often not even seen or used for much of that time! We worry more about what is in our bank account than what is in our heart. It’s trite but true that in the end, none of it matters. We will not have a wit of concern over what we didn’t buy or how much remains in the bank when all is said and done. We will, however, wonder whether we loved enough, cared enough and did what we spiritually came here to do. In this season when branches go from bare to blossom, it’s time to give thanks…for all the things that truly matter…like you and me and this precious connection we share each month.

Thank you Barbara, and every reader who reads this column. You are not just supporting us with your readership. You are helping us fulfill our purpose and express what’s in our heart, hopefully in a way that fills yours with what really matters.

That’s a great gift exchange and we are grateful for you. Happy turkey month and don’t save the wishbone. Your wishes are already fulfilled.

Dr. Evan is a life/soul coach in Arizona working with individuals, couples and corporations.  She  specializes in relationships, personal and professional empowerment, compassion and consciousness. For more information 602-997-1200, email drdbe@attglobal.net or visit www.DrDinaEvan.com.